I go in for surgery the day after tomorrow and I am terrified. I am told that the operation will take four to five hours and the thought of being "under" that long terrifies me. Fortunately, my husband will be home with me for a month to take care of the children and....me. For the last five years I have lived with the unbearbale pain of arthristis due to a prior injury in 1994. If you are reading this, you understand what I mean. The ridiculous pain that no one else can know, unless they have crawled around in our shoes.
On Tuesday, March 15th I will get my new ankle. The STAR ankle. Of course my goal is to gain somewhat of a normal life back. I dream of becoming a person who can walk without looking like a freak of nature, like the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I hope to walk without looking like a sidewinder, and I wish to fix our banisters once and for all as they have become quite loose from my hanging on for dear life everyday. I'm aware that when I drag my foot I can look ridiculous at times. The fact that people find the need to point it out and draw extra attention to my deficit is beyond me. It boggles my mind. But it's okay.
If there is anyone out there who can not stand the pain of arthritis or whatever else might be causing your pain, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You can dump on me because I completely understand. I understand what it is like to be young and vibrant but to not be able to live that way. I understand what it is like to not be able to play with your children, to walk down the block, to walk up or down the stairs, to go food shopping, to just get up and walk in general. It's horrible, I know.
Whatever avenue you take to heal yourself, I wish you success and a pain free life. My avenue begins the day after tomorrow, and I'll let you know how it goes. I'm excited about the prospect of ending this nightmare of pain. Having said that, what if it doesn't work? I must erase that from my mind NOW. It will work.....it will work......it will.
Best wishes to anyone reading this..... because I know you're in pain, I feel it.
~Suzanne
Just received the great news that you are out of surgery and that the ankle replacement went well.
ReplyDeleteA four hour operation with no surprises per the surgeon's post-op remarks.
You are now in the recovery room and soon to be moved to your own room for an overnight stay. We are all grateful and relieved that surgery went so well. You will soon be on a path to healing and some much deserved improved mobility! XO
Suzanne, you have a new ankle and soon new mobility that will change your life.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! I hope to hear more about your recovery. So happy for you.
Im next on April 15.
Suzanne, I'm glad to hear the surgery went well! Let's raise our glasses and toast to new and improved life. Your first post here brought tears to my eyes because I know EXACTLY how you were feeling before the surgery. Living with pain, especially unbearable pain, is not easy. I wish you the best of luck and look forward to reading about your recovery. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd Kay... good luck to you also... keep us posted!
Hello Michael! Thank you for your constant support before, during, and after. What a wonderful brother you are. You always make me feel better.
ReplyDeleteKay, best of luck to you on the 15th! You are on your way to your new and improved quality of life! I can't wait to hear about your experiences, I hope you'll stay in touch.
Christine, knowing that someone truly understands, means everything to me. Your blog helped me and was an inspiration, I hope you'll continue with it. Thank you so much!
This is Mitra. It is really nice to read your healing process. It is awesome. Congratulation for new ankle.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you have that TAR surgery? Do you have RA?
Hope you a best life with no pain
Hello Mitra! Thank you for your comment and for the best wishes, I appreciate it very much! I had my TAR because I experienced a very bad break to my ankle and leg just from falling off a curb in the mid 1990's. Because of the trauma I ended up with severe osteoarthritis and for many years lived with dibilitating pain which just got worse and worse. So here I am with my new ankle hoping for the best!
ReplyDeleteDo you have a TAR? Or arthritis? Pain? I hope you'll keep in touch. :)
~Suzanne
Thank you very much Suzanne.
ReplyDeleteActually I have RA since I was 4 (JRA). It hurts me a lot. Now I am 29 and I have lots of pain in my ankle and elbows. I am thinking about TAR in my ankle, because I really can't walk too much.
Again best wishes for all of you
Dear Suzanne, It has taken me several tries to finally be able to post a comment. I'm not blog savy but I do have an old injury from the '70s and now hobble around in pain unless I have a shot in my ankle or too many meds to walk a straight line. Hate the meds and prefer to take as few as possible.
ReplyDeleteI am scheduled for ankle surgery Oct. 14th and I am a nervous wreck trying to decide between ankle replacement or fusion.
How are you doing today? It's been four months. Are you driving? How long can you walk without needing a rest? I am supposed to walk 45 minutes a day for my back but cannot due to the ankle.
Are you constantly aware of the joint implant? How do you balance on uneven ground? That's one reason I don't want a fusion I have enough trouble with balance now.
Looking forward to hearing from you. You have a great blog and I love the photos. Thanks.
Ann in South Carolina
Hello Ann in South Carolina! Thank you for your comment and I'm sorry you had a rough time getting in... rather than try to answer all of your great questions in comment form I'm going to go ahead and put up a blog post for you, as I think others will benefit as well. I'll get on that soon! Be sure to look for it. If you have trouble finding it, just go the right side of this screen and look for blog archive, it will appear there, at the top of the top. Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Suzanne. I will be looking for your next post. Blessings, Ann
ReplyDeleteHello Ann in SC. This is Drew from SC. I have been dealing with ankle pain since I was in high school. I apparently broke my ankle several times in marching band and didn't realize it thinking it was just a sprain. I had my first surgery in 2003 where they went in and cleaned out all of the bone fragments and drilled holes in my talus and tibia to help new bone grow. That helped for a while, but then the pain came back. In 2008 I found Midlands Orthopedics in Columbia and Dr. Robert Santrock. He did a talur bone transplant to replace the piece of my talus that had evidently worn away. This surgery helped me tremendously until I fell of of a ladder the following summer of 2009. I shattered the ankle and had to have an external fixature to hold all of the bones in place for the healing. I recovered from that and lost some motion after that surgery. I did well until about a year ago. The pain go so bad that every step i would take,i would almost fall to the ground. My surgeon had moved to West Virginia, so I had to find a new one. I found Dr. Smith at Moore Ortho in Columbia. On March 18th of this year, he did the same procedure that I had done in 2003, only it didn't work this time. THe pain is even worse and we are now in the process of deciding whether a total ankle replacement or fusion is going to be the best option for me. I should have mentioned this earlier, but I am only 30 years old and my wife and I are hoping to start a family soon. I have felt so alone in this painful process because no one seems to understand just how bad this is. I was just curious how your surgery in SC went and where you had it done.
DeleteThis is Drew from SC. I have had ankle problems since I was in high school. My first ankle surgery was in 2003 and they went in and cleaned out a bunch of bone fragments and drilled holes in my talus and tibia to help new bone grow. This worked for a while until 2008. In 2008 I went from doctor to doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was going on. I finally found a doctor that did an MRI and realized that part of my Talus had disintegrated. He went on to put me on a bone donor list and once a donor bone came available, he did a partial talar transplant. This worked wonders for about a year until i fell 30 feet off of a ladder and shattered the ankle. WIth the aid of an external fixator for 12 weeks all of the bones grew back properly and I seemed to be okay other than a loss of some range of motion. I started having issues again last year. My Heaven Sent Surgeon that did my last 2 surgeries has moved 8 1/2 hours away to West Virginia. So I had to find a new surgeon. On March 18th of this year, he did the same surgery that I had back in 2003. Only this time, it did not work. The pain has gotten so bad that I almost fall over every time i step on my ankle. I am now facing the options of Fusion and a Total Joint Replacement. I should have mentioned this earlier, but i'm only 30 years old. I still have a lot of life to live and don't want to do it in this pain. I'm so glad that I found this blog because I have felt so alone in this battle because no one really understands the pain. I just wanted to share my story with yall and hopefully i will have better news to come.
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