Friday, April 29, 2011

Physical Therapy 101

My first physical therapy appointment went very well, much better than I had anticipated.  I am highly impressed with Nick, my therapist.  He was attentive, knowledgeable, and very gentle. He managed to answer most of my questions before I even asked them. I love it when that happens.  I'm actually looking forward to going back, and am scheduled for three visits next week.  Today, the focus was on stretching, and it felt sooooo good.  At times I had hoped that Nick would have pushed harder, but he explained that he didn't want to be overly aggressive during our first meeting.  I know it was the right decision and it was in my best interest, but you know me, I just want to get this ball rolling!  Anyway, we did some ROM measurements, and clearly I have a very long way to go.  Dorsiflexion was at 2 degrees, plantar was at 6.  Comes as no surprise based on my condition prior to surgery. My ankle was pretty darn stiff before my operation, so anything I gain back that is an addition to what I had, would be like winning the lottery.  I'm told that normal dorsiflexion should be 20-25 degrees and plantar should range from 40-45.  Well, normal is not a realistic goal for me, obviously.  I'll shoot for half, at 10 and 20. If I end up with more, fantastic.  If I end up with less, well then I'll make the best of what I have.  Nick gave me some exercises to do at home, five to six times a day, totalling about two hours worth of stretching. Holy cow! That's a lot of stretching exercises!  Yep, but I'm up for the challenge.

My compression sock has been sidelined until my incisions are less irritated from my adhesive rash.  Yes, I still have it, along with the incessant itching.  In the meantime I use one of my cast stockings under my boot.  I'm happiest with my boot off, so I remove it every chance I get.  Lots of TAR patients sleep in their boots, I am not one of those patients.  When I am not moving and don't have any plans, I am free to be my bootless me.

As usual, I am not experiencing any pain.  I really don't get it, this is the opposite of what I had expected.  When I was asked at the physical therapy office what I was taking for pain, it felt great to say "nothing".  Perhaps my internal organs can finally begin to attempt to recover from all of the anti-inflammatory drug abuse they have encountered for so many years.  I popped Ibuprofen like candy, for a long, long time. It was the only way I could make it through the day.  I shied away from narcotics because they put me to sleep and I had two young children to take care of, on my own, while my husband traveled.  My PT therapist assures me that the pain will come when I begin full weight walking.  That doesn't worry me though, because I know that the pain will never even come close to the bone crunching pain that was there before surgery.  That horrible feeling is gone forever, which explains why my life has changed so much, already, for the better.  I have so much to be thankful for.

Speaking of thankful....  my husband took care of me around the clock following my surgery. He ran the whole house, did the cooking, cleaning, laundry, drove the kids to their activities, took care of our pets, and well, he did it ALL.  He never once complained.  My love for him is stronger than ever,  and I thank him for putting up with me for sixteen years of marriage.  Today, April 29th, is our wedding anniverary. 

Thank you honey, and Happy Anniversary! xoxo

Best,
~Suzanne

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Ambulation Celebration

Of course I just couldn't wait to share my thoughts on how much my life has changed, in just two short days.  In a nutshell, this boot IS made for walking.  I can not describe how thrilling it is to actually put weight on my ankle and to actually have it feel good.  When incomprehensible pain is all I felt for years, well, I can't put in to words what I am feeling inside.  I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I am a passionate person and my emotions can be intense.  So right now, I am intensely happy. :)

At first I was afraid to put any pressure on my ankle while in my boot.  That fear rapidly dissipated as I very carefully put some weight on the ankle.  No pain.  A little more weight, no pain.  More...so on.  Instead of pain I felt somewhat of a comfortable stretching feeling in my foot and joints.  It was as if they were thanking me for finally using them.  The experience thus far more than exceeds my expectations.  In the back of my mind I'm still wondering when the hammer is going to drop.  Will it drop?

In an effort to not overdo, I try to follow doctor's orders.  It was purely accidental yesterday, that I found myself walking with one crutch with the phone secured between my shoulder and my ear, and a cup of coffee in my hand.  I was so heavily into a conversation with a friend that I didn't even realize that I was doing it.  Perhaps it was a no no, but all I could do was smile.  I put the coffee down and grabbed the other crutch.  Not because I felt like I needed it, but more for the protection of my wonderful surgeon's handiwork. 

I'm working on stretching, up and down and side to side.  I have limited dorsiflexion, and even more limited plantarflexion.  Moving side to side is good, I can't complain.  This part of the program will take time, work, discipline, and patience.  I'm confident that two weeks from now I'll have a better story to tell in that regard.  That said, my first PT appointment is scheduled for Friday at noon.  Looking forward to getting started.
Tomorrow I have an appointment for my prescribed compression sock.  Currently I wear a temporary one supplied from my doctor's office.  I don't wear it all the time, I'll ask tomorrow if it is imperative that I do.  To be honest, I'm not crazy about it.  It feels like my leg is being strangled, and it squeezes my incisions.  Maybe the prescribed fitted sock will be more comfortable. 

Went to a school function last night and it required lots of schlepping down long corriders and what have you.  It was good boot practice.  Because the booted foot is so much higher than my good foot, it's throwing my back out a bit.  I'll mention this at PT.  Upon returning home from the event (I'm fighting the urge to brag a little bit about my daughter) I felt a slight ache in my ankle.  Nothing too uncomfortable.  There was some swelling so I iced for awhile.  Problem solved.  Oh, and my daughter was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society last night.  I'm proud as a peacock, I just had to get that out.

I'm not overjoyed about the condition of my incisions.  The glue rash seems to be inhibiting healing, and the rash and itchiness seem to be getting worse before getting better.  I soaked in a soothing Aveeno bath for awhile, and then I revisited the cool alcohol rub.  Really helps, albeit temporarily.  I'll insert a pic and attempt to shrink it, things aren't pretty.

Can't wait to see what the future holds. 

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
yeah, its a new dawn its a new day its a new life for me ooooooooh
AND I'M FEELING GOOD


Thanks for reading,
~Suzanne

Monday, April 25, 2011

Free at last!

6 Weeks Post-Op

Before Appointment...


I woke up very early today.... too early.  That's what I get for falling asleep at 8:30 last night.  So this morning I am feeling very itchy, itchier than usual, under my cast.  The area around my incision is feeling irritated, almost as if there might be some discharge from the site. While I certainly hope that is not the case, I don't have too long to wait to have my concerns addressed since today is my 6 week post op appointment with Dr. Johnson!!  The cast comes off (yay!!!!!), x-rays will be taken, my progress will be discussed, weight bearing will be discussed, and I'll be given my physical therapy prescription, along with my walking boot.


I'm looking forward to finding out when I can get behind the wheel again, I sure miss the independence of coming and going as I please.  I've had two drivers since March 15th, my husband, and my brother. I'm about to have a third.  My brother flew home to Washington D.C. last night, after having been here for two weeks to help out.  The whole family piled in the car to drive my brother to Lambert Airport, which under normal circumstances would have have been a pleasant Sunday drive.  Instead, traffic was backed up because everyone was slowing down to see the tornado damage along the highway.  People were filming and taking pictures of the sea of blue tarps that were covering what was left of houses and buildings.  And the trees....snapped off, sucked out of the ground, all I can say is WOW. It made me cry. The airport is still a mess, there were lots of construction workers all around, lots of police trying to keep any gawkers moving along , the destruction was overwhelming to say the least.  But I digress, yet again.  I'm looking forward to driving myself again. Since my husband is heading out of town tomorrow morning, my father will be flying in tomorrow afternoon from New Jersey, to lend a helping hand and driving foot.  I have an amazing family, I love them so much and am extremely grateful for all they have done for me.


Tickle Machine!!  Here I come!


It's off it's off it's OFF!!  Whew, feels great.  So after a forty minute wait my name was finally called and off I went with my husband to see Julie, the nice girl who put my cast on four weeks ago.  She asked if this was the first time I was to have a cast removed and I assured her that it wasn't. Julie wanted to be sure that I was aware that the procedure might tickle, and that the blade on the saw wouldn't go all the way through and cut me.  She asked how many casts I've had in the past, and I counted up to five.  Then came the sound I have been waiting for, and then the tickly vibrations, then a few snips with the scissors and ahhhhhhhhhhhh.  Julie then gave my leg a cool alcohol bath.  It felt incredibly good, it was a little slice of heaven. 


Incision on back of my leg used for achilles stretching

I now know why I was so darn itchy in my cast.  You know, for awhile I had an inkling that my itchiness was beyond your everyday normal itchiness.  There were times when I thought I would climb the walls.  That said, I realize that I should have asked to have my cast removed to see what was going on a couple of weeks ago.  You see, when my sutures were removed four weeks ago, some new steri strips were put over the incisions.  Before the steri strips were applied, there was a glue used to make them stick longer. Turns out I had an allergic reaction to the glue.  Throughout the years I've experienced itchiness at incision sites and I thought I might be allergic to medical tape.  Prior to my TAR I had asked my surgeon for a bunch of the steri strips he uses on the incision so I could test them down by my ankles.  They were fine, I had no reaction to them at all.  The ah hah moment is the glue, ah HAH!  Fyi, the glue is called Mastisol.  Anyone with adhesive allergies might want to avoid it.



On to the good stuff, the x-rays looked fabulous, my incisions looked okay under all the red bumps :(,  and I am now sporting a lovely new air cast!  I have a compression sock to wear with it.  Dr. Johnson instructed me to gradually begin to put weight on my new ankle, and perhaps try to be full weight bearing by the end of the next three to four weeks.  Then he says to lose the crutches, and transition into a regular shoe.  Wheeeee!  I'm on my way!   My brother is getting married on June 11th, my goal is to look like nothing has happened on that day. *wink*.

Physical therapy will begin shortly, it's just a matter of making some appointments.  Honestly, I would prefer a home program, so I'll go a few times and have the PT give me all the rubber bands and what have you and do the work on my own.  Everyone is different and opinions vary, but while there have been several occasions throughout the years where I have needed therapy, I have never been overjoyed with the outcome of the process.  My surgeon is confident that as long as I am diligent, that I can be successfull in strengthening and improving my ROM on my own, with the right tools. In addition to home, I anticipate doing a lot of my rehabilitation in the pool, and the gym.

It felt awesome to bathe my leg in the tub after we got home, I had to be extremely gentle as the skin is soooo sensitive.  It feels great to put a little weight on my ankle in the aircast, and actually I put a little weight on it without the aircast as well, just while I was getting in to the tub.  What I noticed is that I had some pain in my heel, but nothing major.  I'm also beginning to feel some tingling feelings in my toes and running up the top of my foot.  While in my cast I didn't experience any of that.  I'm glad I feel it now, it means the nerves and tendons are waking up and are getting ready to get to work! 

What I must focus on now, is not overdoing it.  Of course I would love to test my new self out, and be independent, but I intend to be careful, and to take it slow.  I'm going to baby my new implant as much as I can.  It's still very early on in the process of recovery, so I'll take one step at a time...baby steps.  I'm going to take my life back in baby steps.  Golf anyone??


Best,
~Suzanne

Saturday, April 23, 2011

An Easter Miracle

As I sit and watch the constant news coverage of the severe damage here in St. Louis, I am reminded of how blessed I am.  My ankle problems are so trivial.  It is mind boggling to me that there have been no reports of fatalities.  It truly is a miracle that everyone survived, and I thank God.  The damage is astounding, and it is surreal to see it, especially when it is so nearby.  How fortunate my family is, that the tornado missed us.  I am so saddened for all of the families who have been left homeless by this natural disaster.  We have spent many unnerving moments huddled downstairs as tornado sirens have sounded, and while we huddled together last night, we couldn't have imagined the destruction that was taking place.  Thank God no lives were lost.





My husband was due to return today, but the airport is closed.  Turns out he flew to Kansas City and rented a car, so that he can get home.  I was sure to warn my husband that our car that he left in long term parking might have been destroyed.  I won't blink an eye if it has been, because we have our home, and each other. 

~Suzanne

Update:  Among a sea of damaged cars with windows and windshields blown out, and hoods smashed in from debris, lights broken, etc...  my husband found our car in fine condition other than being covered in leaves and twigs, with a small ding.  Amazing. 

Happy Easter!

Friday, April 22, 2011

My Cast, My Love (not really)

I said I'd see ya when my cast came off, but I couldn't resist posting a farewell shot and....



Dearest Psychedelic Cast,

I bid you adieu, on Monday, April 25th at 10:30 a.m. central time.

Although you have been extremely protective of me (overly protective at times) and have offered constant and undying (too much) support around the clock, it is time for us to consider a  separation from one another (thank God).  Cast, you probably think that our relationship was short lived.  Well, to me, our time spent so tightly connected to each other for the last several weeks felt like nothing short of an eternity. Both your abrasiveness and hardheadedness were difficult to accept (or avoid) at times. My wounds are still healing. Trust me, I'll never forget you (although I wish I could).  Still, after everything we have been through and all the miles we have traveled together, whether it be while hopping, rolling, or crawling, I wish to thank you.  I will forever be grateful to you for your wonderful healing qualities.  I trust that you understand that my leg can not live without water and moisturizer any longer, and that my skin will shrivel and die if we remain attached. I know we've had many a sleepless night over this (it was all because of you), and  I am certain that all along, you may have had an inkling that perhaps one day I would leave you for a walking boot, so that I could bathe again.  So my hobbling out on you on Monday should come as no surprise.  Neither of us knows what the future will hold.  I suspect that my relationship with the boot might have its ups and downs, and most likely it will be on again off again.  Deep down I am an independent woman, and perhaps, ultimately, I should just walk alone someday.  So it is without sadness (and with extreme pleasure) or regret that I bid you farewell.  You will forever be etched in my mind (and on my scarred body, thanks to you).  Lots of love (well... I guess, sort of). xoxo


Yours (hopefully not) Forever,
~Suzanne

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Flashback - Part II

a continuation.....

In 2009 it was with great anticipation that I had my first meeting with Dr. Johnson.  There were x-rays taken, and it came as no surprise that I had developed severe bone on bone osteoarthritis in my ankle as a result of the trauma due to my fall off the curb.  I wish the trauma could have been caused by an activity more sensational, for instance, perhaps a fall while skiing in the Swiss Alps?  A skydiving landing gone wrong?  A hang gliding mishap?  Indy race car pile up? A slip and fall on Mt. Everest?  No?  I'll keep dreaming.  So back to that first meeting, my heart literally pounded as I was extremely nervous.  Perhaps that was due to the fact that deep down I felt that I was across from the man who could quite possibly give me my life back.  I was filled to the rim with hope.

Dr. Johnson reviewed my options for pain relief.  First he touched on custom made ankle braces, then cortisone injections, ankle fusion, and finally what I was REALLY interested in, total ankle replacement.  I had already been educated on the pros and cons of ankle fusion, and I was certain that I didn't desire one for myself.  Unfortunately with an ankle fusion you run the risk of developing arthritis in the surrounding joints.  Well, I simply wasn't willing to trade one problem for another.  Fusion was crossed off the list.  Then we went on to discuss ankle replacement.  At that time, the two implants that Dr. Johnson used were the Agilty and the Inbone.  I had read a great deal about both implants and I felt that I was sure I could benefit from an Inbone implant.  He believed we could take that under consideration, but not before trying other avenues for relief.  I remember asking him "you mean you're saying yes?  "You'll replace my ankle if I try other things first?"  He said "yes" and I cried happy tears.  At 44 years of age at the time, I was certain that he would tell me that I was too young.  Just to hear that "yes" meant the world to me.  There was light on the horizon.

Dr. Johnson prescribed an Arizona brace for me, which I had custom made at a huge expense.  It didn't take long for me to realize that it was worth every single last penny.  For a time, it significantly decreased my pain, and I didn't leave the house without it.  For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I could play in the yard with my children, I could walk to school with them, housework was not as difficult, getting up and down the stairs was easier...and so on.  All the while, I knew that the brace was just masking a very big problem, and I had no intention of wearing it for the rest of my life.  A few months into wearing the brace I contacted Dr. Johnson's nurse to inquire about scheduling ankle replacement surgery.  The nurse told me that I couldn't have an ankle replacement.  I shot back with "but Dr. Johnson said I could"!  The nurse rephrased and explained that yes I can have an ankle replacement, but not until I am 55.  My heart sank right down to the ground. What a huge disappointment.  So I was too young after all.  Did I have to start over and find a new doctor?  No.

The Arizona brace worked very well for about six months I'd say, then the effect began to wear off.  Modifications were done on it to improve performance, but unfortunately it eventually stopped working altogether.  The pain....indescribable at times.  It took a lot of effort to keep my head up and a happy face on, which is all I wanted to do for the sake of my family.  No one gets enjoyment out of seeing a loved one in constant pain.  Most of the time I tried my darndest to hide it.  Eventually it got to the point where it was impossible to hide any more, I had inevitably reached a point of no return. 

By 2010 I had put on a substantial amount of weight.  I was inactive, down in the dumps, and comforted myself with goodies.  In an effort to put an end to my downward spiral, my husband and I decided to purchase a family membership at a local recreation center/gym.  Best move ever!  I went on to lose fifty pounds in a span of six months.  I ate well, very healthy, and worked out hard.  That positive change lifted me up again and my ankle pain had decreased significantly.  Sadly, as summer rolled around, the pain had intensified.  The weight loss was no longer working.  It was time to schedule another appointment with Dr. Johnson.

I met with Dr. Johnson again in June, 2010.  One month shy of my 46th birthday.  We revisited everything we had discussed in the past, and I ultimately decided to give cortisone injections a whirl.  Even though the doctor didn't think they would offer much relief since my case was so severe, we decided to try it anyway.  And guess what, Dr. Johnson also agreed to replace my ankle whenever I was ready!!  Of course I was elated, and asked him to pencil me in for 2011 because  I had many ducks to get in a row, lots of planning to, I just needed to think long and hard about timing.  Dr. Johnson was now using the STAR (Scandinavian Total Ankle Replacement) implant.  He felt confident using the STAR for me, even at such a young age.  THANK YOU STAR!!  I LOVE YOU!!

At the end of June I had my first cortisone shot.  To my surprise, it worked!  It really really worked!  It was a temporary miracle, I mean it.  I spent most of July in Canada with my family, and for the entire time I felt like I was healed.  I wore flip flops, walked on rough and uneven terrain without incident, even walked on the beach!  The beach is a very scary place for someone with ankle arthritis, trust me.  On July 28th, I remember the exact day, my euphoria came to an abrupt halt.  Let me just say that when cortisone wears off, there is nothing gradual about it.  Now you feel great, BOOM, now you feel very bad.  I knew I couldn't have another injection for three or four months, but at the very least, I had something to look forward to.  I pressed on knowing that I would eventually have another month of bliss.  So I thought....

I decided to wait until the holidays to get my next injection in hope that I would feel good for Christmas.  Excitedly I drove to the outpatient center knowing that by the end of the day I would be free again.  To my dismay, that freedom never came. The injection did not work at all.  Back to the drawing board.  After Christmas I called Dr. Johnson's nurse and she scheduled me for total ankle replacement surgery, on March 15, 2011.  After extensive planning and preparation, the day finally came.  Now here I am, almost six weeks into recovery from my successful TAR. I am anxiously awaiting my cast removal with great hopes and dreams, as I embark on my new and improved life. 



To anyone who actually got through reading all of this, firstly I'd like to say thank you. Secondly, I want you to know that the reason I put things down into words is because I hope it helps someone.  I remember how alone I felt for so many years.  So to anyone suffering, you are not alone, and you too, can get through this.  There really IS a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope in sight. Perhaps my endless words can aid, even if only a tiny bit, in your decision making process. In the case that no one is reading, I'm still happy to put this all down anyway.  I will always have it to look back on to remind myself of my strength, courage, and determination.  Never give up, be strong, and be FIERCE. 

I'll see ya after my cast comes off.

Best Always,
~Suzanne

Flashback to 1994 - PART I

Many people have asked me how I got myself into this mess.  My answer has generally been "it's an old injury and a long story."  Get ready, 'cause here it is....the story...

It all began way back when in 1994, the olden days, when cell phones were lugged around in a giant and unruly brief case type of apparatus. The cell phone case is my meager attempt to set the tone.  I worked as an advertising executive in the corporate world in Cincinnati, climbing the ladder as rapidly as I could, as any fairly young go getter would do.  I was happily engaged to my now wonderful husband, just zipping around and enjoying life.  Until....the big UNTIL, one lovely day, I participated in a casual golf outing with my coworkers.  By the way, I was an avid golfer, the sport consumed me, and I adored it. I relished being out with nature in all its glory without a care in the world other than how I was going to manage to get a little white dimpled ball into a little hole. When I wasn't hacking, slicing, whiffing, landing in a trap, water, or woods, I felt very at peace on the course. But I digress.  So after my coworkers and I enjoyed an amusing eighteen holes, we headed to a local restaurant for some snacks and drinks.  Upon exiting the establishment, one of my coworkers grabbed the red baseball cap of another coworker and threw it to someone else.  Hence, a game of "keep the cap from it's righteous owner" ensued.  Nothing like a little game of keep away among "mature" adult friends.  Somehow I ended up with the red cap and took off running. Little did I know that my life was about to change, forever.  I was running with that cap in cheetah-like style when I slipped off a high curb that surrounded the parking lot.  Down I came on to my ankle, and there I lay with a group of people gawking at me and gasping.  I knew it was bad and began to go into shock.  Next thing I knew I was on a stretcher and was being hoisted up and slid in to the back end of an ambulance.

At the hospital I was asked the typical million questions and was introduced to an orthopaedic surgeon.  He asked me if I had had anything to eat.  After I told him that I had had a Bass Ale and some chicken wings, he decided that he would not perform surgery until morning.  I was admitted to a room, and there I lay all alone, all night long.  Just me, and my morphine pump.  I pressed that morphine button what seemed like every ten minutes as the pain was beyond anything I ever could have imagined. I had wished that my fiance was there but he couldn't make it back in time from his trip.   I don't even remember being prepped for surgery in the morning.  I do remember waking up in my room after all was said and done, and to my relief, there was my Mother, resting in a chair right by my side. She had flown to Cincinnati from New Jersey to be with me.  That's when I started to have a good cry.  I'll never forget seeing her there, she looked like an angel. I wonder if she knew how much I needed her, and loved her.  There was no better cure than my Mother's love.  She looks down on me now, and still takes care of me, from heaven.

The orthopaedic surgeon visited with me and explained that my multiple fractures were some of the worst he had ever seen.  He clued me in on all the hardware he installed and we discussed recovery and what to do.  A couple of days later I went home with my cast.  I was young, athletic, and healthy, which aided in making my recovery fairly easy.  After several weeks in the cast I was given approval by the surgeon to start walking again.  Life got back to normal rather quickly, what a relief it was to have that ordeal behind me.  So I thought.

At some point, I don't remember exactly when, I had to have some of the hardware removed.  Unfortunately for me, it was done while I was awake, with a local anesthetic, and I felt the whole thing.  It was the stuff that nightmares are of made of, I kid you not.  When I felt the first cut I yelled "stop!!"  It was as though the doctor didn't believe me when I told him I could feel it.  He felt that he had numbed me enough and took it upon himself to proceed again!  When I yelled "stop" again he finally listened and decided to shoot me up with some more local anesthsia. After that, although it didn't feel quite as bad, I still felt the whole thing. The cutting, the burning, the seething pain... that procedure continues to haunt me to this day.  I shudder to think about it.  Really.

Life eventually got back to normal again, and my fiance and I were happily preparing for our wedding.  It was such an exciting time for us, we had so much to look forward to.  All was well until...the dreaded UNTIL... we were out shopping in a mall, browsing clothing for our Carribean cruise honeymoon.  All of the sudden I was in excrutiating pain and I could barely stand.  I got myself to my orthopaedic surgeon the next day and had x-rays taken.  I was astonished to learn that my hardware had literally collapsed and that everything had refractured.  That's right, I was back to square one, and we were to be married in seven weeks.  The surgeon offered to operate again, and I politely declined his offer.  I got on the phone with my Dad, a radiologist at a very reputable hospital in New Jersey, and he insisted that I fly out immediately to have my surgery performed there.  My Dad had connections with excellent doctors so he made arrangements for a colleague to fix me.  Off I went to the airport, and into the OR I went, yet again.  I was in good hands (this time) and my new surgeon did everything he could to repair the damage, which included taking bone from my right hip to fill in some empty spots.  As it turned out, the first surgeon apparently put hardware in my ankle that would have been suitable for child, not a woman of my stature, standing six feet tall and 165 lbs.  I can not describe my disappointment and anger.  How could this have happened?  My new (qualified) surgeon put my leg in a cast and told me I would have to wear it for eight weeks.  Well, since I was to be married in seven weeks, that wasn't going to fly.  He reluctantly agreed to take it off the day before my wedding, as long as I was very careful. 

I held on to my Dad for dear life as he walked me down the aisle on a beautiful Spring day in 1995.  It was a lovely wedding, and with a little help from champagne, I managed to dance our first dance, and then some.  I wasn't feeling any pain, until the next day when we woke up to head off on our honeymoon.  Sadly I spent our entire cruise on crutches or in a wheelchair.  I couldn't help but be mad at my first surgeon.  His wrong decision screwed things up in a big way.  Speaking of screws, I have a broken screw head lodged in my bone that I get carry with me forever as a reminder of his big mistake. 

My husband and I settled into married life and I went back to work, and was feeling pretty good.  I did my research and found a new surgeon in Cincinnati since I couldn't fly back and forth to NJ for my doctor visits.  When my Cincinnati surgeon took a gander at my x-rays, his jaw dropped and he called in his colleagues to have a look-see.  Things were mangled, at best.  Turned out my bones were slow to heal properly so he suited me with an electro magnetic device that would stimulate bone growth.  I wore that off an on for quite some time, then eventually was able to set it aside.  I had a couple more surgeries to remove some hardware, things were looking better, so I was able to put the ordeal behind me (again) and move on with my life.  Throughout the years I could hear in my mind something my Cincinnati surgeon said to me; " in ten years the pain will get so bad that you will want to have your ankle joints fused".  Huh???

I was back in my heels and business suits,  and for a long while I felt as though nothing had ever happened to my ankle.  Well, except on rainy and low pressure days.  In 1998 I left my career behind to embark on my dream career of being the best mother I could after being blessed with our precious daughter.  Life was beautiful.  I had much to be thankful for.  The following year we started a new life in a suburb of St. Louis.  In 2004 my husband and I were blessed yet again, with another precious daughter.  Life was now even more beautiful.  I felt fine, until.....

In 2005 the dreaded pain began to set in.  It got progressively worse over the years and by 2009, I could barely walk anymore.  I just powered through it to the best of my ability, but inside, I felt like I was dying.  No longer could I run around with my children, heck, I could barely keep up with them at all.  Everything became a struggle and I felt down and was saddened by what my life had become.  It became impossible to be the person I wanted to be.  Severe pain can really mess with your mind. 

As the pain worsened, I developed an intimate relationship with Google.  I googled and googled and googled and educated myself about ankle fusions and replacements.  Once I had a wealth of information I began to research surgeons in the St. Louis area who specialized in ankles, specifically ankle replacements.  Luckily I was able to find the best of the best, or the creme de la creme, at Washington University Orthopaedics.  I had to jump through some hoops to get an appointment with the surgeon, and I had to have a darn good reason to see him.  First I had to meet with one of his colleagues, who looked at my x-rays.  Right away the colleague said that I should have been able to skip seeing him and he set me up with an appointment with Dr. Johnson, my hero.

You probably need a nap after reading all this, I know I do.  Let's take a little break. 

To be continued.......

~Suzanne

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Anxiously Awaiting The Tickle Machine!

Four plus weeks into recovery now, and still, I fight to combat my feelings of frustration.  I so look forward to the day where every little thing I do, or try to do, is not such a huge production.  Normally if I come downstairs having forgotten something, I turn around and go back up to get it.  No problem.  Now, with this non weight-bearing cast on, I literally have to psyche myself up to go up again! Heck, sometimes I just don't even bother. What normally takes minutes takes hours, what normally takes very little energy now takes everything I've got. I am acutely aware of how wrong it is for me to complain, as my problems are so very slight in comparison to what others are forced to deal with, permanently, on a daily basis.  How dare me, so enough of this selfish rant.

Moving on.... I can't wait for the tickle machine!!  In eleven days I'll get to hear the hum of that magical saw, and delight in the sensations and vibrations as I am freed from my cast.  I will do my very best not to scratch, for fear that my skin might fall off!  Goodness, it will feel heavenly to submerge this leg in water...ahhhhh.  Just hanging tight and doing my best until I get the go ahead from my surgeon to begin to put a little weight on my brand spanking new ankle. 

Speaking of putting a little weight on, I must try harder to exercise more, and snack less.  It only makes sense to keep the load light in order for my new ankle to operate at optimum level.  A couple of years ago my ankle pain had reached a point of ridiculousness so I headed to the gym and shed several pounds in hope that my pain would decrease.  It surely did, a lot.  Lately with all this sitting around, I've gotten soft, and I do believe a bit plump.  My husband is a gourmet cook, his meals are so delicious that it is easy to lose control at times.  He is away at work now, so I find myself resorting to some late night chocolate ice cream with my brother!  Must get back on track and focus on health and fitness. 

It has been wonderful having my brother here. I'll bet he didn't realize how busy he would be chauffeuring my busy daughters back and forth to school and to their various activities and such.  What a huge help he has been, I hope he knows how much I love and appreciate him.  I hope to get back to driving again in a few weeks, with doctor approval.  I've had fleeting thoughts of driving with my left foot, but am not the least bit willing to risk facing the repercussions of having an accident nor the possiblilty of hurting someone.  So I wait patiently, which you know I'm not good at. :)

Shopping has taken on a whole new meaning now that I've tried my hand at the electric scooter!  Woo hoo!  I could shop all day long like that, good thing the baskets aren't too big, yikes!  Love, LOVE it.  Sure beats dragging my foot around and holding on to my cart for dear life like I used to do! I used to not so lovingly refer to that as my Quasimodo walk.  My brother will be dropping me off at the store tomorrow, I've thought of a few additional items I need, heh heh.  Anything for a change of scenery.

I am not experiencing any ankle pain at all.  I have, however, had a few minor slips here and there and I have come down on it pretty hard.  Although putting pressure on my ankle frightened me, it did not hurt.  Hopefully that's a good sign for the future.  Time will tell, especially after my visit to the tickle machine.  I'm nursing an injury on my good foot, as a result of one of my slips.  My industrial grade sand paper-like, most abrasive cast ever, slid over my good foot and took with it quite a bit of skin.  Youch. 

All in all, I can't (and shouldn't) complain.  Things are going very well, and I continue to feel blessed many times over, on so many levels.  I thank God for my beautiful family, for all the support they have given me and continue to give.  I'm feeling the love, and I hope you do to!

Best,
Suzanne

One more thing...my ankle pain buddy, Kay, is embarking on her total ankle replacement journey tomorrow.  Her surgery is scheduled for 10:45 a.m..  Sending positive waves out to her, she is in my prayers and I wish only the best for a successful operation and a happy pain free life.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

23 Days Post - Op

Time seems to stand still when you are in a cast!  Looking forward to having it removed in 18 days.  There is so much I want to do, but still can't, so at this stage of recovery I would describe myself as feeling frustrated, out of shape, and itchy!  I'm ready to get going, yearning to be mobile, yet there is still such a long road ahead of me.  I must be patient. 

Thank you for letting me vent a little. 

Since my last post I have not experienced any pain in my ankle at all. Seems odd to say that when I just had major ankle surgery three weeks ago! I do expect that to change, however, once weight bearing starts. Every so often I feel twinges in the achilles tendon area which is normal due to the stretching during surgery.  I have difficulty bending my big toe, but have been working on it and notice small improvements daily.  The tendons need more time to heal, they have really been through the mill and can take quite a long time to bounce back.  So again....patience. 

My husband is going back to work soon, and will be gone for at least two weeks.  My brother will be flying in from Washington D.C. to help me run the household while my husband is away.  Let me tell you, I am truly blessed by my wonderful family and friends.  I have been spoiled rotten by my husband for nearly a month! He has done an amazing job keeping everything running smoothly around here, he has cooked, cleaned, cared for our daughters, cared for me, worked on several projects around the house, and he still brings me my coffee in bed.  He is amazing, I never once heard him complain. Honey, if you're reading this, I love you more than ever.  Hmmmm, I wonder if I can get my brother to bring me coffee in bed.  :)

My next post-op doctor visit is on the 25th.  I can't wait to see the x-rays and am hoping to hear from Dr. Johnson that my ankle is healing well.  I've had bone growth/ healing problems with surgeries in the past which have required additional procedures, so knowing that my healing is progressing well will give me peace of mind.

Best wishes to all for happiness and pain fee living!

~Suzanne