Flashback - Part II

a continuation.....

In 2009 it was with great anticipation that I had my first meeting with Dr. Johnson.  There were x-rays taken, and it came as no surprise that I had developed severe bone on bone osteoarthritis in my ankle as a result of the trauma due to my fall off the curb.  I wish the trauma could have been caused by an activity more sensational, for instance, perhaps a fall while skiing in the Swiss Alps?  A skydiving landing gone wrong?  A hang gliding mishap?  Indy race car pile up? A slip and fall on Mt. Everest?  No?  I'll keep dreaming.  So back to that first meeting, my heart literally pounded as I was extremely nervous.  Perhaps that was due to the fact that deep down I felt that I was across from the man who could quite possibly give me my life back.  I was filled to the rim with hope.

Dr. Johnson reviewed my options for pain relief.  First he touched on custom made ankle braces, then cortisone injections, ankle fusion, and finally what I was REALLY interested in, total ankle replacement.  I had already been educated on the pros and cons of ankle fusion, and I was certain that I didn't desire one for myself.  Unfortunately with an ankle fusion you run the risk of developing arthritis in the surrounding joints.  Well, I simply wasn't willing to trade one problem for another.  Fusion was crossed off the list.  Then we went on to discuss ankle replacement.  At that time, the two implants that Dr. Johnson used were the Agilty and the Inbone.  I had read a great deal about both implants and I felt that I was sure I could benefit from an Inbone implant.  He believed we could take that under consideration, but not before trying other avenues for relief.  I remember asking him "you mean you're saying yes?  "You'll replace my ankle if I try other things first?"  He said "yes" and I cried happy tears.  At 44 years of age at the time, I was certain that he would tell me that I was too young.  Just to hear that "yes" meant the world to me.  There was light on the horizon.

Dr. Johnson prescribed an Arizona brace for me, which I had custom made at a huge expense.  It didn't take long for me to realize that it was worth every single last penny.  For a time, it significantly decreased my pain, and I didn't leave the house without it.  For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, I could play in the yard with my children, I could walk to school with them, housework was not as difficult, getting up and down the stairs was easier...and so on.  All the while, I knew that the brace was just masking a very big problem, and I had no intention of wearing it for the rest of my life.  A few months into wearing the brace I contacted Dr. Johnson's nurse to inquire about scheduling ankle replacement surgery.  The nurse told me that I couldn't have an ankle replacement.  I shot back with "but Dr. Johnson said I could"!  The nurse rephrased and explained that yes I can have an ankle replacement, but not until I am 55.  My heart sank right down to the ground. What a huge disappointment.  So I was too young after all.  Did I have to start over and find a new doctor?  No.

The Arizona brace worked very well for about six months I'd say, then the effect began to wear off.  Modifications were done on it to improve performance, but unfortunately it eventually stopped working altogether.  The pain....indescribable at times.  It took a lot of effort to keep my head up and a happy face on, which is all I wanted to do for the sake of my family.  No one gets enjoyment out of seeing a loved one in constant pain.  Most of the time I tried my darndest to hide it.  Eventually it got to the point where it was impossible to hide any more, I had inevitably reached a point of no return. 

By 2010 I had put on a substantial amount of weight.  I was inactive, down in the dumps, and comforted myself with goodies.  In an effort to put an end to my downward spiral, my husband and I decided to purchase a family membership at a local recreation center/gym.  Best move ever!  I went on to lose fifty pounds in a span of six months.  I ate well, very healthy, and worked out hard.  That positive change lifted me up again and my ankle pain had decreased significantly.  Sadly, as summer rolled around, the pain had intensified.  The weight loss was no longer working.  It was time to schedule another appointment with Dr. Johnson.

I met with Dr. Johnson again in June, 2010.  One month shy of my 46th birthday.  We revisited everything we had discussed in the past, and I ultimately decided to give cortisone injections a whirl.  Even though the doctor didn't think they would offer much relief since my case was so severe, we decided to try it anyway.  And guess what, Dr. Johnson also agreed to replace my ankle whenever I was ready!!  Of course I was elated, and asked him to pencil me in for 2011 because  I had many ducks to get in a row, lots of planning to, I just needed to think long and hard about timing.  Dr. Johnson was now using the STAR (Scandinavian Total Ankle Replacement) implant.  He felt confident using the STAR for me, even at such a young age.  THANK YOU STAR!!  I LOVE YOU!!

At the end of June I had my first cortisone shot.  To my surprise, it worked!  It really really worked!  It was a temporary miracle, I mean it.  I spent most of July in Canada with my family, and for the entire time I felt like I was healed.  I wore flip flops, walked on rough and uneven terrain without incident, even walked on the beach!  The beach is a very scary place for someone with ankle arthritis, trust me.  On July 28th, I remember the exact day, my euphoria came to an abrupt halt.  Let me just say that when cortisone wears off, there is nothing gradual about it.  Now you feel great, BOOM, now you feel very bad.  I knew I couldn't have another injection for three or four months, but at the very least, I had something to look forward to.  I pressed on knowing that I would eventually have another month of bliss.  So I thought....

I decided to wait until the holidays to get my next injection in hope that I would feel good for Christmas.  Excitedly I drove to the outpatient center knowing that by the end of the day I would be free again.  To my dismay, that freedom never came. The injection did not work at all.  Back to the drawing board.  After Christmas I called Dr. Johnson's nurse and she scheduled me for total ankle replacement surgery, on March 15, 2011.  After extensive planning and preparation, the day finally came.  Now here I am, almost six weeks into recovery from my successful TAR. I am anxiously awaiting my cast removal with great hopes and dreams, as I embark on my new and improved life. 



To anyone who actually got through reading all of this, firstly I'd like to say thank you. Secondly, I want you to know that the reason I put things down into words is because I hope it helps someone.  I remember how alone I felt for so many years.  So to anyone suffering, you are not alone, and you too, can get through this.  There really IS a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope in sight. Perhaps my endless words can aid, even if only a tiny bit, in your decision making process. In the case that no one is reading, I'm still happy to put this all down anyway.  I will always have it to look back on to remind myself of my strength, courage, and determination.  Never give up, be strong, and be FIERCE. 

I'll see ya after my cast comes off.

Best Always,
~Suzanne